I’ve listed seven tips or strategies on improving dialogue that I’ve personally found helpful in the context of interfaith dialogue. Note that most of these questions are directed not towards the other party but to one’s self in preparation for dialogue.
When in dialogue with a person of another faith, try asking yourself the following questions:
1. “Is there anything this person is saying that I could possibly agree with?” While we might focus on areas of disagreement, focus on the areas of agreement, try to investigate and fully flesh out every possible area of agreement. Through this activity, identify areas of agreement and disagreement.
2. “Okay, I disagree with what they said, but is there any possible situation in which I might tend to agree with them?” Think about all the possible situations where you MIGHT agree. Is there no situation at all? Think about voices within your own faith tradition which may say similar things.
3. “What are some possible scenarios where even I might hold that view?” This is another tactic to brainstorm. You may disagree with someone given the situation they’ve described, but think about other situations in which what they say could actually make sense. Sometimes it is helpful to take the words that your interlocutor says, and imagine these words are coming from a trusted friend in your own faith. If someone from your own faith tradition told you the same thing, it is easier to find a way in which you may say, “Well, I can see how you might think that, even though that isn’t exactly how I would put it.”
4. “If I say what I am going to say, what is going to happen? How will the other person respond? Will this increase communication?” Examine the implication of communication. This question is extremely important and we do not ask it enough. If what you say will not acheive your goal then don’t say it. Instead look for an approach which will acheive your goal. If it will not acheive your goal, and you realize this but you still want to say it, then ask yourself why? Because it will make you feel better? Then you are only concerned with making yourself feel good and you are not concerned with the other person. Be concerned with the other person. After all, you are speaking with an individual, not ‘a religion.’
5. “If I was the other person, with her background and experience, and someone said what I am about to say to her, how would I respond?” Again, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Granted, you aren’t the other person, and perhaps you don’t know her background and experience, but try to imagine it. It’s an exercise.
6. “What happened the last time I said something like this? Did this increase communication or end communication?” Look for patterns of communication in your personal history. If every single time you have said what you are about to say the discussion abruptly ended, then ask yourself if that is the result you desire. If it is, then keep doing what you are doing. If not, then you might consider an alternative approach.
7. Suppose you have identified an area of disagreement, a certain interpretation or a certain doctrine. Ask yourself, “What function does this doctrine or interpretation serve within the world view of the faith?” In fact, it might be better to ask the other party this question. In other words, maybe you disagree with the interpretation or the doctrine, but you may find you do not disagree with the function or the intended purpose of the doctrine/interpretation. Faith traditions often share similar concerns but seek to solve them in different ways. You may agree on the ends, but disagree on the doctrinal means to achieve it. Thus, you may be able to respond, “I don’t agree with this interpretation, but I can sympathize with the problem you are trying to solve. This is a concern I have as well.”
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